I stood in a full backyard as I took a drag from my square. I watched as everyone down bottle after bottle of alcohol until every person packed into the backyard was belligerent drunk; in the middle of the yard stood Patrick. Smiling, laughing loudly like he had no worries as he wrapped two arms around the skinny meth head.
On the inside I was crying, screaming for his attention, hoping he would look my way again but not with a face full of alarm but with the expression of love he once bestowed upon me before. On the outside however, I smiled laughed clung to Larsen closer and moved my body a way I knew he would pick up on.
Patrick, or pat as she called him, had gotten skinnier since I seen him last. He had a type of bewilderment tucked into his face like it was hidden in the creases of his skin dying to come out for everyone to see. A hole the size of Antartica continued to grow in my chest as I pulled Larsen closer and whispered in his ear.
“You see that couple over there darlin’?” I nodded in his direction, Larsen’s eyes following. “That’s my recent ex-boyfriend and his new girl.” Larsen straightened up then placing his beefy arm around my shoulders.
“Well lets make him jealous.” He said with a wide grin. My insides fluttered, not from the kindness of Larsen, but with just a thought of possibly giving Patrick the emptiness, foregoneness, loneliness feeling he so kindly gave me.
“Well aren’t you just perfect.” I gleamed clinging to Larsen’s side.
I kept waiting on a reason
And a call that never came
No, I never saw it coming
Something in you must have changed
All the words unspoken, promises broken
I cried for so long
Wasted too much time, should’ve seen the signs
Now I know just what went wrong
I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now, I’m sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more
All the nights we spent, just talking
Of the things we wanted out of life
Making plans and dreams together
Wish I’d seen, I was just too blind
My heart was open, exposed and hoping
For you to lay it on the line
In the end it seemed
There was no room for me
Still, I tried to change your mind
I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now, I’m sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more
Oh, I don’t need you
I don’t need you anymore
I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now, I’m sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more
I don’t need you
I don’t need you anymore
Its days like these I hope you’re thinking about me and regretting every minute of this “break-up”.
I remember that one day in summer, when we laid in your bed and talked about everything and anything. I told you my whole life story and you listened, and held me when I cried. I wiped your tears away as you told me your painful memories. In that moment we were free, in love. We were each other’s and no one was going to take that away. Memories like these make it hard to believe that were not spending forever together like we were supposed too.
I think, think when it’s all over,
It just comes back in flashes, you know?
It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories.
It just all comes back. But he never does.
I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen.
It’s not really anything he said or anything he did,
It was the feeling that came along with it.
And the crazy thing is I don’t know if I’m ever gonna feel that way again.
But I don’t know if I should.
I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright.
But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks
so much like an angel when he smiles at you?
Maybe he knew that when he saw me.
I guess I just lost my balance.
I think that the worst part of it all wasn’t losing him.
It was losing me.
Once upon a time a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you bound me
I guess you didn’t care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me
And he’s long gone when he’s next to me
And I realize the blame is on me
‘Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
‘Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
No apologies, he’ll never see you cry
Pretend he doesn’t know that he’s the reason why
You’re drowning, you’re drowning, you’re drowning
Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I’ll ever be
And now I see, now I see, now I see
He was long gone when he met me
And I realize the joke is on me, yeah!
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
‘Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
And the saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
‘Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
(you were right there, you were right there)
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble
I don’t know if you know who you are until you lose who you are.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you
I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
[From: http://www.elyrics.net ]
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I’d do, I’d give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you’re gone
All the words I need to hear will always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you
Lyrics from <a href=”http://www.elyrics.net”>eLyrics.net</a>
I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, “I’ll never let you go”
When all those shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said, “Don’t leave me here alone”
But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight
Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You’ll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I’ll be safe and sound
Don’t you dare look out your window, darling,
Everything’s on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold on to this lullaby
Even when the music’s gone
Gone
Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You’ll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I’ll be safe and sound
Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
La La
La La
Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
La La
Just close your eyes
You’ll be alright
Come morning light,
You and I’ll be safe and sound…
Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh oh oh.
Why do things end the way they do? At times I thought we were star-crossed lovers. Nothing ever seemed to go right, except the way you looked at me. Now that, that was always right. The way your eyes filled with a type of admiration and what looked like love. They would travel across my body and made me feel like I was everything in the world, like I was alive. That image will always be burned in the back of my head. Just like the image of her arms wrapped around your waist and you smile like everything in the world is right. I don’t want to accept that we are over but I honestly have no choice do I? I guess with time it gets easier, the less I see you the less I hope too. The less I hear about you the more you soon become just someone I used to know. I hear all the rumors, shes pregnant, you guys were arrested, you’re spiraling into a dark abyss. Sometimes I take pride in that, happy that this break up fucked you up as much as I but most of the time I feel deep sorrow. I just want to find you and hold you and tell you everything will be right in the world, to let out all your sadness and depression and I’ll take it in but you didn’t choose me did you? Today my mom asked that if you were to show up and begged for me back, left her, stopped all the drugs and mischief would I say yes. Without any slight hesitation I said yes. She looked worried and I felt sorry for myself. Nowadays I sit and obsess over you, all the details, memories. Sometimes I even second guess if you ever actually loved me or if you just lied about that too. I even told one of our friends that I believed you are incapable of loving, that you just want to take every ones sorrow and pain and hope that maybe they will get better and then love you and you love them and everything will be perfect. There is so much I want to tell you and I just want you but I know its not for the best and I’ll just have to get over everything. Even as I write this I hope that maybe you’ll see it somehow and just love me. Love me like I love you. Maybe this sounds obsessed and maybe I sound crazy but nobody will ever understand the feeling I had with you and how addicting it was
